To lay it all out there and be 100% honest my faith has been "slipping" a little, and I HATE it. How can I pull myself out of it? I have no clue...
I have lost a lot of interest in things that I once found fun. I really just don't want to do anything, talk to anyone, go anywhere. It scares me that the winter season is on its way... Because the sun is so distant, and the depression gets worse.
Anyway.... The past week has been very challenging to say the least. Where do I even begin? It started off two Sundays ago with me having an anxiety attack at 3 am. I have never had one and I literally felt as if I was going to die. the hubs and I were scared because we had no idea what was happening. So off to the hospital we went.... Moving on...
After that episode I kept feeling sick. Tuesday came and I got some devastating news. Without going into details the bottom line is I have a nephew that I never knew existed, and I would never get to meet while here on Earth because he was killed in an accident. I was blown away and so sad. It made me appreciate my beautiful son even more than I already do.... After wrapping my mind around all of that Wednesday came. I got the news about my grandfather and cousin getting into a semi accident. my grandpa was rushed to Borgess hospital where his legs were amputated from the knees down. He was swollen and bruised and had a broken neck. The doctors gave him less than 2% chance of living. But my grandpa is such a tough ole bird and is pulling out of it. He is disconnected from all of the machines and has been trying to talk. Thank God he is doing alright but he has a long road of recovery ahead of him.
Just when I thought that I couldn't take anything else and that all of the drama of life would settle down now this last Tuesday I was hit once again with some pretty hard news. A close friend of the family had passed away on Halloween night while taking his lunch at work. He was going to be turning 40 years old in a week. He was always there at all of my life's big events. He was there when I graduated from high school, when I got married, my baby shower, and among other things. His family was and is part of my family.
After the last couple of week's events I have been fighting with my depression and my faith. I keep thinking why is God not here? Why has he left me alone? But in all actuality He has NOT left me... and I am NOT alone. It makes me think of two things... 1. the poem Footprints :
One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
And the good ole saying ~God won't give you more than you can handle!~ He is there watching over me. So when you have "the week(s) from hell" just please remember that YOU are NOT ALONE! God is there and waiting for you to rely on HIM. And also HE will not give you more than you can handle... <3
I thank Him SO much for my health, my hub, and my baby boy.... <3 I thank Him for my life, family, friends. <3 I pray that I will not take any of these things for granted....
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