I am by *NO* means a writer. But I have been feeling led to start a blog and talk about anything God is laying on my heart. This means things will get personal, you may agree with what I say, and there will be times when you don’t. But if there is one thing that I promise is what I write is me and is real.
Depression… What do you think about when you hear that word? Do you think of a family member, a friend, yourself? Do you think it means a sign of weakness or instability? Does it give you the chills because you know how dark and consuming it can be?
When I hear the word “depression” I think of strength, I think of a long dark and dangerous road that someone is going through, will be going through or HAS gone through. Depression is a strong, dark, sometimes scary monster and an up and down roller coaster ride that can destroy and conquer. But it can also be defeated. How can this monster be defeated you ask? Well I don’t have all the answers or a step by step guide to victory. But I do know that there is a God that is so big it makes this “depression monster” look as tiny as an ant. I also know that it is not a life sentence or damnation. Because, I myself have been at the beginning, middle, and end of this whip-lashing ride and also seen it as an “outsider looking in”.
I can remember the first time that I knew something was going on inside of my soul. I was twelve years old, and already had overcome so many difficult obstacles that a twelve year old should never have to go through. I knew that deep down I was struggling to keep my soul, my life intact. But I felt so alone and I thought I had to figure things out on my own. So I went about my life wearing that fake smile and hiding behind a mask. No one could see in and no one could know what was going on. I felt the war raging on inside of my soul like a wild fire. I felt the pain… the hurt… the numbness… But I could not show anyone any hint of weakness, or so I thought. I kept it all inside. The “depression monster” was being fed more and more and grew stronger as I grew weaker.
I met the love of my life and literally my “knight in shining armor”. I knew that I could trust him and I let him into my life little by little. This was MY number one step to beating this monster with a stick like a piñata. He helped get me through one of the toughest points in my young life. Helping me get past an eating disorder, poor image of myself, thoughts of whether I should end my life or not, and getting to know the powerful Father in the sky. A Father that is so big and so strong that I would soon come to know on a personal level.
Years kept passing and I was still fighting the monster of depression. At this point the monster and I were at the same level of strength. As I matured so did my relationship with God. Of course I had my “desert” patches and almost turning away from my faith. But every time I would get close to throwing in the flag and giving up God would slap me in the face with His love and Mercy.
I am now a twenty-one year old married woman to that “knight in shining armor” man, and we have a beautiful son together and I wouldn’t change a thing for the world. I love being a wife, friend, and mother. I am still in the battle with the monster but he looks less strong, less dark, and less scary. I still have my bad days with depression, but they are few and far between. I am more open about talking about it instead of hiding it. Thank God that I have Him to rely on because He is ultimately the strongest and nothing or no one can have victory over Him.
If you struggle with depression or know someone who does just know that it is something that you can overcome. There aren’t any printed out directions on “How to beat Depression” but there are steps you can take that are personalized just for you. One big step (perhaps the biggest) that I recommend is where do you stand with your faith and God? Maybe that will be your first step to beating open the depression and letting a little fall away like candy falling from a cracked piñata. Depression is like a big monster but our GOD is a bigger hero! <3
